Come see me feature for Maria Bamford September 18th in Portland!
Tickets are here.

Come see me feature for Maria Bamford September 18th in Portland!

Tickets are here.

  • 2 weeks ago
  • 6 notes

whatisnswalker:

I’m at that time in my life where friends of mine are starting to get married. For the most part, I’m using the word “friends” in the Facebook sense, meaning they’re usually acquaintances in my same age range as myself. And while I’m happy for those declaring everlasting love to one another, the insufferable cynic in the back of mind that can’t help but question “what makes you think you can do better than your divorced parents?”

Sure, you could partially blame that thought on the recent dissolution of my longest-termed relationship, not to mention the fact that my parents recently divorced after thirty years of marriage. I’m pretty sure none of those matters factor into my late night Tina Turner solo sing-alongs. What’s love got to do with? Pretty sure it’s nothin’.

"But Nick” you might interrupt, “this isn’t about you. This is about the eternal love we share between one another."

Right. I get it. I understand how nice that lifetime commitment and a few tax advantages sound, but remember that one time you tried to sled down that grass hill and you broke your nose? That was fun! There ain’t a tax break for fun!

Yet even with all this tying the knot mumbo-jumbo (or maybe in spite of it) I’ve found myself gleefully replaying The-Dream’s gleefully cynical “Wedding Bells.” Coming off two marriages and a recent split from Def Jam, The-Dream could’ve mailed in a standard R&B ballad. I’d probably like it, but I wouldn’t believe it.

But with humor, braggadocio, and the delivery of someone who might be in love, The-Dream one again proves he’s one of the top songwriters in R&B.

Opening with 808 claps and an orchestral loop, Dream kicks off “Wedding Bells” by stating that the divorce rate is “about sixty percent” with the reason being “there’s too many people on yo’ shit.”

 He segues into the chorus, describing the follies of his previous marriages by referring to himself as “Mr. have a wedding, just to have a party,” and later comparing them to sports terminology (“two down and I’m workin’ on this hat-trick”).

If those lyrics sound fun, they don’t hold a candle to the rest of the song. Downplaying any heartache or toil of those previous relationships, “Wedding Bells” makes marriage seem as simple and carefree as a night in a club where everyone just popped the best molly. When people get married after six months of dating, “Wedding Bells” is the song that plays in their heads. And there’s no reason it shouldn’t. Why put so much pressure on the most important day in your life when you can at least have two more?

MY HERO

  • 2 weeks ago
  • 5 notes
THIS IS GONNA RULE 

THIS IS GONNA RULE 

  • 1 month ago
  • 0 notes
I sat down with Shane Torres for his radio show Help Wanted. We discussed my wacko job history.  
Listen here!

I sat down with Shane Torres for his radio show Help Wanted. We discussed my wacko job history.  

Listen here!

  • 4 months ago
  • 0 notes
i find plaid to be soothing

i find plaid to be soothing

  • 5 months ago
  • 0 notes
cyniccave:

Sat March 22nd, 10 pm show.
Amy will soon be temporarily freed from Portland’s cloudy clutches and wants to laugh and hug and eat proper burritos with you!In celebration, here is a lineup of some of the finest comics from the Bay and beyond. Can you believe it?! Amy will be doing a long-ish set at the end.Hosted by Cynic Cave king Kevin O’Sheaw/David Gborie (Bridgetown Festival, High Plains Fest, All around ladies man)Brendan Lynch (SF Sketchfest)Greg Edwards (Thug Notes)Lydia Popovich (Sketchfest/ Hater Tuesday)Andy Sell (Crom Comedy Fest/ Cool dude)Karinda Dobbins (Nickelodeon / Sketchfest)

SATURDAY!!

cyniccave:

Sat March 22nd, 10 pm show.

Amy will soon be temporarily freed from Portland’s cloudy clutches and wants to laugh and hug and eat proper burritos with you!

In celebration, here is a lineup of some of the finest comics from the Bay and beyond. Can you believe it?! Amy will be doing a long-ish set at the end.

Hosted by Cynic Cave king Kevin O’Shea
w/

David Gborie (Bridgetown Festival, High Plains Fest, All around ladies man)
Brendan Lynch (SF Sketchfest)
Greg Edwards (Thug Notes)
Lydia Popovich (Sketchfest/ Hater Tuesday)
Andy Sell (Crom Comedy Fest/ Cool dude)
Karinda Dobbins (Nickelodeon / Sketchfest)

SATURDAY!!

  • 6 months ago
  • 4 notes

I always wanted to perform in Mortified and finally did. It was one of the first shows that made me think maybe I COULD get on stage sometime. And as it turns out, yes, it is pretty goddamn mortifying. Watch it. But also don’t, please. That would be better for me. 

  • 6 months ago
  • 1 note
SATURDAY NIGHT!!! PORTLAND!!!

SATURDAY NIGHT!!! PORTLAND!!!

  • 6 months ago
  • 0 notes

GAY BANDS!

Hello! I read some articles this evening with facts in them, specifically regarding which music each state likes the most and also which states are the most homosexual.

After extensive research in the data map USA, here are all the bands that probably like to have sex with other bands.

Please review the science and then observe more facts below.

image

 image

In conclusion, here are the gayest bands per capita, provided you know the population of these states in a rough order without googling it. And by bands I mean to say, “Distinctive artists” which is so typical. 

1. Bonobo (Big surprise for a group called ‘bone a beau’)

2. James Blake (no limit to yr love if you’re another dude!!)

3. Head and the Heart (you figure this one out)

4. Bruce Springsteen (If you think about it all of America is probs a little gay?)

5. Sufjan Stevens (Indie rocker Christian dude. All pent up and sensitive like that.)

6. Alan Jackson 

7. Metric (Canadian)

8. Neil Young (Out on the weekend)

9. Phish (Been puttin a chocolate core in Ben and Jerry for ages)

10. R.E.M.I.GAY? OMG yeah probably.

11. David Guetta (little known fact that EDM stands for “eat dick more”)

12. B.o.B. (Born of boners)

13. Kelly Rowland (say my name say my name. you know that i love you. and by you i mean another lady even though i am also a lady.)

14. Rush (Wrapped up like a douche, I pull my boner in the night!!)

15. Grateful Dead (Like I am to my conservative family members for the most part)

16. Nirvana (Come as you are. On my similarly gendered body)

And as I have proven by this internet article, the above bands are the most likely to be gay people. Peace!

image

  • 6 months ago
  • 2 notes

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I tell jokes IRL but am funnier OTI. This is not a Dolly Parton fansite.

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